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A Guide to Buying Dogs Online

A quick translation of the average Gumtree ad for the poor canine souls sold between the ages of 6 and 12 months.

Smart dog (destructive) with too much energy for me (I never walked him and I am stunned he’s now poorly behaved). Very friendly and great with other dogs (One time I took him to the park and he seemed to like it) and is a good guard dog (barks constantly). I have taught him to sit and wait for his food (but nothing else). He is great with kids but as he is young and excitable he would suit primary aged kids and up (so their heads are above biting height). He is gentle but needs to be watched to ensure he doesn't knock down younger kids (he knocks kids over. Gently).

Selling: A 9 month old American Staffy x (Was cute as pup, now too old). He has boundless energy (never walked), big character (never trained) and loves people (never paid attention to), even tries to have conversations (barks a lot)- which some may find intimidating at first given his gruff voice (we’re trying to make it sound like a good thing). He is good with kids (he doesn't realise how big he is and may unintentionally knock small ones over just by moving). (I didn’t add that last parenthesis)

Given his age, he's still impressionable and loves to learn (We didn’t train him as a pup but we’re sure it’s possible). Would suit anyone/ family with a lot of love, time and a big yard (Which we didn’t consider when we bought him). All I ask is that the new owner send updates and photos now and then please (We wanted a facebook post, not a pet).

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